Wakey Wakey!!

Cables faithful trooped across the Pennines, armed with passports, yorkshire to english translations and hearts full of hope.  We haven’t got the best record away from home, to be honest. In fact we don’t travel well……generally just finding the ground without a detour is a result for us.  Wakefield have cunningly hidden their ground in the leafy suburbs, down streets that were designed more for a pony and trap than Cables’ coach.  The instructions on getting to the ground are mildly confusing, ok, damned confusing…the only landmarks we have are Pinderfields hospital and more roundabouts than Skem!  Tricky blighters these yorkshire folk.  The hospital is a split site but the orienteering experts at the front of the coach make the right choice and we do manage to find the ground.   Well we manage to find the sports complex (complex being the operative word).  We pull up outside the car park, which has a “FULL” sign barring the way, but a great view of a bowling green and hockey pitch.  The very helpful steward advises us that the football ground is at the back of the complex and the coach has to turn round,  head to the top of the road, turn right, then right again down to the parking area for the ground.  Now, picture the scene, we are in a 52 seater coach in a suburban side street, cars parked on one side making the road negotiable only by Professor Pat Pending in his Convert-a-Car. However, our valiant coach driver does a commendable, but hair raising 3 point turn…. hair raising for those of us paying attention to the manouevre….heart stopping, blood pressure raising for those fans and players taking in the more scenic view of young ladies in short hockey skirts gracing the field to our left. 

I was more than a little impressed by our fans knowledge of the game of hockey, their comments and roars of approval were directed at the hockey players’ skills rather than their appearance, surely 😉

Shortly after negotiating more narrow streets and reversing the coach up to the football ground entrance we alight, feeling victorious.  Those pesky Wakey lot may have tried to hide the ground, but we were equal to the task.  We should have known better!  Once inside the gates, we are faced with yet another obstacle….where the hell is the pitch and the changies?  The changing rooms are on the right of the Car Park and the access to the pitch is on the left! 

The players troop down the steps to the changing rooms…..past the securely locked entrance to the Wakefield Rifle & Gun Club.  The Club Officials troop off to the right to look at the pitch and meet their Wakey counterparts.  The fans troop off to find the nearest boozer!  Err I mean the fans troop off in search of refreshments. 😉

I follow the players into the Wakefield catacombs, which double as the changing room area…a series of narrow corridors, with poor signage which explains the skeletons propped against the walls at regular intervals…..remnants of teams who never made it to the pitch, methinks.  Luckily for our lads one of the team has braved Wakey before and lived to tell the tale.  I’m left standing in the corridor directing the remaining players with a cheery “They all went that way”, hoping not to trip over any bodies of our players on my way out. 

We have successfully found the ground, the players (with maps) have located the pitch………3 points please!!  What???? after all that we still have to play a match?  OK, give us one point, forget the game and we will be happy!

*Ed – The Calland Watch moment has been censored.  Pistol Club…..nuff said!


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Cables 1 Lancaster City 2

PA020070Another day another cup, another rapid Cables exit.I can’t recall the last time Cables went beyond the first round of the FA Trophy.Last year we saved our worst performance of the season for an embarrassing home defeat by Cammell Laird,Cables were so bad you could have sent 11 random fans (ANY AGE OR SEX) out on the pitch in Cables shirts and they would have fared better.The previous season a win-less bottom of the table Frickley  came to Cables and you can guess the rest.The luck of the cup, at least in terms of the FA Trophy, has never been part of Cables season.This season we pulled Lancaster City out of the hat, certainly winnable but certainly tough too. After Tuesday’s heartening performance there’s every reason to be cautiously confident.

Within ten minutes it’s fairly obvious Cables are up against it.No sooner does a Cables player gets the ball he has three or four Lancaster players snapping at his heels.This means individual Cables players have to dribble through two or three challenges simply to have the space to pick out an available team mate. About the same time the Lancaster massive start up in the main stand. Numbered about eight they go through their back catalogue of  tuneless songs.The ones I could understand were generally aimed towards Cables, the fans and ground- ah bless- it’s like having Boston in town again. Although singing “no fans” at a match with an attendance of 200 when your own home gates aren’t much better is stretching it a bit .But I don’t think it’s anything personal, they have their songs and intend to get them sung regardless of circumstances.I mean, the guttural territorial chant of “Lancashire nah nah nah” is probably better performed at the ground of a team that doesn’t proudly carry the red rose of Lancashire on its club crest- just a thought. As the noise is on the far side of the ground I can get on with watching the game, or so I thought. Eventually I’m joined by an elderly Lancaster fan who divides his time between laughing to himself , muttering darkly under his breath and making a sort of squealing sound every time Lancaster attack.Perhaps he’s one of the massive doing a solo job on the other side of the pitch. Either way it means I eventually move back up the embankment out of earshot of the disturbing soundtrack.

Eventually Lancaster score.A schoolboy error by the Cables defence.They nearly score a couple of more while Cables are unable to string two passes together.Half time is a welcome respite. The second half is marginally better for Cables, Lancaster score again but Cables do at least have a few pops at goal.Phil Green pulls Cables back into the game with a late header and Cables almost snatch an unlikely draw as Dale Wright’s 90th minute free kick forces the Lancaster keeper into a full length save.

It turns out the Lancaster boss had Cables watched in the run up to this game.Not quite in the ‘seat-of-your-pants’ spirit of the non league game if you ask me.Ah well…back to the league and all that.

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F.A. Carlsberg Trophy

With the romance of the FA Cup a distant memory we turn our minds to the temptation of the trophy.   Our first opponents are Lancaster City who visit Hope Street tomorrow (3rd October 2009).   Cables will be eager to erase the memory of our opening game v Lancaster and the 5 – 0 drubbing.  In honour of the Trophy’s sponsors, Carslberg, we have renamed the Cables squad.

If Carlsberg did Cables……..

1.   Pouncer Paxton

2.   Psycho Sayer

3.   Menacing Morgan

4.   Mauler McIntosh

5.   Rocky Ridler

6.   Thug Tobin

7.   Fearsome Fleury

8.   Cunning Calland

9.   Mad  Mitten

10.  Ruthless Rey

11.  Courageous Cliff

12.  Gruesome Green

14.  Raving Riley

the temptation of the trophy

the temptation of the trophy

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Garforth defence finally subdue Mitten

Garforth defence try a new anti Mitten tactic

"Let's see you head the next cross, big man"

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Mitten 3 – Garfield 2

The poor little kittens did lose their Mitten and boy did he punish them for it.

Last night was indeed Josh Mitten’s night.  He has told the Cables faithful “give me the service and I will score”…….not only did he bag a hat trick but he played in almost every position on the field with the exception of goal! (and I am pretty sure if he had been called on to go in goal, he would have saved every attempt  too)   His efforts on the pitch were supported superbly in midfield by Tobin and Fleury, the trio’s diligence belied their age.  Joshy himself admitted that they were playing like they had lost 20 years between them. 

For the Liverpool fans who avoided the Reds decimation at the hands of a Magic Roundabout character by venturing to Hope Street……just remember, it was a Manc who put the smile on your faces on the anniversary of  Shanks’ death.

RIP Bill

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Mitten’s Kitten

Tuesday 29th September 2009

Dear Diary,

Went up to Hope Street to try and catch a glimpse of my hero.  He entered Hope  Street like Collosus, shielded only by his henchman and minder, Craig Fleury.  No sign of his other sidekick, Tobin, so I was able to get within swooning distance as he strode towards the changing rooms dressed in his Cables Tracksuit, his hair grown out of the skin head style he was sporting just a couple of weeks ago.  Like Samson, his hair appears to be his strength.  Just my bad luck that he is actually playing tonight!!!  Several fans standing close to me must also be smitten with mitten, because they express their horror that he is on the pitch, presumably, like me, they wanted to be able to get as close to Joshy as the Garforth No. 4  did. 

Oh well, if he is playing I might as well stay, watch the game and delight in the vision of Joshy in shorts *swoon*.  Joshy was magnificent….awesome!  His other fans must be more stalkeresque smitten than I.  Just his presence was too much for them to bear, they wanted him replaced, just so he could come and sit in the dugout closer to us.  That could be the only reason they wanted him replaced since some of them muttered good game as he walked past but others were struck dumb as they basked in his charisma.

Roll on Saturday when hopefully his other fans and I might be sittin’ with Mitten!


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Caption Competition


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