Monthly Archives: August 2008

Cables eye up new defenders

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Things to do in Nantwich when you’re dead

By the Cables Wolloper

Never been to Nantwich before.I vaguely knew it was sort of somewhere around Cheshire but not much else.

On the outskirts of the town we are held up at traffic lights and a fellow Cables watcher mutters “Hey look, there’s a cow heading a bucket” . This is obviously one of those pranks that is designed to make a gullible person say “where?” to everyone’s derision. But as I was bored I decided to lean forward and look, and there it was, a cow in field tossing a bucket into the air with its horns and heading it. Blimey, if the lowly livestock play football down here we really are in trouble today. As it turns out the town itself was quite impressive with lots of those little town houses of a certain age and style. It wouldn’t be a surprise to see Aimish people in the front gardens hammering wood or breaking bread. In fact, it doesn’t look like the sort of town that would support a football club of any size beyond the Molly’s Pork Pies Sunday morning League. But eventually we arrive at the ground and very impressive it looks from the outside.

The coach parks up in a designated spot 100 yards from the ground and just as we are about to disembark an arm waving steward stomps over to tell us the coach has to be facing the other way.Perhaps he’s a devotee of Feng Shui and Cables are now in negative alignment with the Klingon universe or some other such new age witchery.

The ground itself is pleasing on the eye, tidy and well maintained .Obviously the teens around here spend their spare time on more useful pursuits than trying to reduce the local football stadium to rubble. I spend the best part of 30 minutes trying to find the world’s best concealed club house. There are a couple of doors marked “private-do not enter” and a big tunnel, it’s a bit like the Crystal Maze. On one doorway it says “Bar over there” with an arrow pointing you to the left,and when you go over there there is a door saying more or less “bugger off” .Via a process of elimination I decide to open the magic door and the bar suddenly appears.Perhaps it’s their way of ensuring only people of a certain IQ frequent the bar. Sat at a table I meet a couple of Nantwich fans I’d conversed with on a non league forum , as is usual in these cases neither look anything like they look like on a web forum-if you get my drift . But then who does?

Then the drums, the drums from the deep, heralding the appearance of little green goblins and Gandalf is nowhere in sight. The Nantwich drum isn’t the most annoying I’ve ever heard but that’s a bit like saying Girls Aloud aren’t the most annoying reality TV band I’ve ever heard.It’s a matter of degrees. The Nantwich songs seem well rehearsed and are generally immaculately performed by the hundred or so green and white clad people hugging the far touchline.

For our part a couple of us try and get our new theme tune going but we are left high and dry by the other Cables watchers and soon give up. On the pitch Cables offer a bit of hope but another defeat.For spells in the match there’s actually moments of optimism as Cables put together good spells of possession and the occasional attacking foray. But, as with Cables this season, you know it’ll end badly.It’s a bit like watching your young child on a bike for the first time, just as you think they’ve got the hang of it they pedal shakily straight into a lampost and knock their front teeth out. Ah well, early days and all that.We’ll support you evermore.A decent game of footy in a nice ground populated by pleasant fans.It can’t be all bad,

On the coach home a tanked up Cables fan is trying to persuade us all to sing something.Not as a collective, but individually.This, if you are not smashed, is about as likely to happen as Labour winning a by election. Despite no one wanting to sing initially we enter Prescot to the strains of several Cables fans wistfully singing ‘Summertime’.An apt tune with a long cold winter ahead of us.

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Cables sign new keeper

Cables have moved quickly to try and shore up their leaky defence.They’ve signed a promising young keeper from Sellafield Athletic.A Cables spokesperson said “We hope the new keeper’s special attributes will enable him to pick the ball out of the back of the net while pulling up his shorts at the same time”

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Lookalikes 1

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Sons of Slacky Brow Fanzine now online

Here the link :Sons of Slacky Brow

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Supercableslambanana

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Here Come Witton- earplugs at the ready

Excuses should Witton lose:

The pitch, obviously

Someone nobbled our players pre match drink

Scousers don’t play fair

The ref is a scouser (this can be changed to suit the opposition)

There’s snow on the tracks

bloody immigrants

the government

George Bush

Steve McLaren

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